Bakin' Cookies!

I saw this video on my Facebook feed today, and thought it might be a fun project for a Sunday at home with the kids.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "That's not a recipe for cookies. That's a recipe for killing a Sunday and disappointing your children." Maybe you're right. I'm about to find out. I have obstacles to overcome outside of not being a gifted baker. I live in Korea, where certain ingredients are difficult, if not impossible to find.

Here I'll take you on a journey of improvisation and almost certain frustration and failure. I'll be updating this blog post as I proceed. Enjoy!

Step 1: The Confidence.

The ingredients you'll need:

  1. Beer.
  2. A cup.

Instructions:

  1. Pour beer from bottle into cup.
  2. Pour beer from cup into your mouth.
  3. Repeat until this project feels like a good idea.

Step 2: The Dough.

The ingredients you'll need:

  1. 1 cup of flour.
  2. 1 cup of sugar.
  3. 1 egg. (I used two eggs because Korean eggs are small.)
  4. 1 Tsp. baking powder.
  5. 2.75 cups of flour.
  6. Pinch of salt.
  7. 1/2 Tsp. cinnamon. (I don't have any cinnamon, so suck it, cinnamon.)

Instructions:

Mix all that shit together.

As you can see, the sticky mass in the picture above isn't exactly like the nice loaf of dough you see in the video. I managed to calm it down with a bit more flour, so that we could cut it into three sections.

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Step 3: Coloring the dough.

The ingredients you'll need:

Red and blue food coloring. Unfortunately, food coloring is hard to come by in Korea, so I had to seek out alternatives. For blue, I used frozen blueberries. For red, I used one of the packets of Kool Aid I had my mom send me in her last care package.

"Oh yeah!"

"Oh yeah!"

Whatever these cookies turn out to be, they're the kind you'll want to eat whole, rather than nibble at the sides. One packet of Kool Aid is meant to accommodate one cup of sugar. Given that the one cup of sugar is spread throughout all the dough, the "red" parts of these cookies are likely to have a disproportionate ratio of Cherry Limeade flavor to sugar. 

But whatever. Mix that shit in there and lets see what happens.

Optional step. Swear at the computer for an hour because you need to reboot the goddamn thing every time you want to resize a fucking picture.

As you can see in the picture under "Step 3", we managed a passable shade of pink and a diseased-brain shade of purplish-grey.

Step 4: Put the pieces together.

Why am I even bothering?

Why am I even bothering?

I've honestly shat things that looked more appealing than this.

I've honestly shat things that looked more appealing than this.

My son is pretty forgiving of my baking incompetence.

My son is pretty forgiving of my baking incompetence.

This looks like a microscopic image of a parasite.

This looks like a microscopic image of a parasite.

Holy shit! That's not half bad. It's approaching half bad. It's creeping up on 49.5% bad, but not quite half bad.

Holy shit! That's not half bad. It's approaching half bad. It's creeping up on 49.5% bad, but not quite half bad.

Step 5: Bake those bitches.

My expectations for this project were somewhere between the two cookies on the top of this picture. So, aesthetically at least, those cookies that have a discernible star in the middle of them were a smashing success.

But goddamn, that Cherry Limeade Kool Aid flavor was overpowering, and not in a good way.