A Rough Week for Shitheads

In case you haven't heard of the recent Supreme Court ruling against states banning gay marriage, I welcome you to the internet. (Just wait until you see all the porn!)

In the wake of so much recent tragedy, what could be better than watching swarms of people celebrating in the streets for the official recognition of some of their most basic human rights? 

How about watching the suffering of America's biggest shitheads as they cry about a ruling which will have no effect on their lives whatsoever?

"If I had a tooth for every way this ruling will affect me, I'd... Wait, no. Bad example."

"If I had a tooth for every way this ruling will affect me, I'd... Wait, no. Bad example."

Marriage equality is a wonderful thing, and I'm pleased to see so much rainbow-colored joy flooding my Facebook feed. But for me, it doesn't even hold a candle to the wails echoing out from America's trailer parks filling the air like the songs of angels. 

"If I read a book for every... Shit, that one don't work, neither."

"If I read a book for every... Shit, that one don't work, neither."

Maybe it's a flaw in my character, but I've found myself skipping past most of the rainbows, choosing instead to revel in the anguish of all the mouth-breathin', tobacky-spittin', confederate-flag-wavin', sister-fuckin', cross-burnin' hillbilly assholes who've come out of the woodwork to spew their hate-filled frustration onto my computer screen.

"If I had a stick of deodorant for... goddammit."

"If I had a stick of deodorant for... goddammit."

It takes a special kind of piece of shit to bitch and moan over the happiness expressed by a nation moving forward. So while I'm happy to see all the hugs and rainbows, nothing makes my smile go 'doublewide' quite like redneck grief and failure.

"If I had a non-incestuous sexual encounter... FUCK!"

"If I had a non-incestuous sexual encounter... FUCK!"

It's all well and good to celebrate the fact that love won this round,  but you might also take a little time to celebrate the fact that hate lost.


For those of you reading this who are unfamiliar with my books, bigotry is a major recurring theme, used for comedic purposes much like in the captioned pictures above. All but the most stupid of my reviewers recognize that I am opposed to bigotry in all its forms.