How The Trump Duped Christians!

Every left-leaning citizen prepared for election,

Underwhelmed by their party's lackluster selection.

But the Trump, who lived way up high in Trump Tower,

Grew more and more restless with each passing hour.

"They tweet about Star Wars and food gluten-free,

And football, and other such things that aren't me!"

 "For forty-five seconds, I've had hardly a mention!

There must be some way to get people's attention."

He thought long and hard, then suddenly remembered

Something big was supposed to go down in November.

An idea came to mind as he sat for a dump.

"I'll crash the election. Why not? I'm the Trump!"

"I don't need experience, just plenty of cash.

Smart people be damned. I'll woo the White Trash."

"They'll believe what I tell them. They're not really thinkers.

They swallowed that birther shit hook line and sinker."

"Why, I could literally shit in their faces,

And they'd still vote for me if I hate other races."

But one question remained, disturbing his slumber.

"How do I show them I'm one of their number?"

Fooling the morons required no great trick.

"With this dumb trucker hat, I look just like a dick!"

"But I don't want to win," the Trump thought on the shitter.

A president's job involves much more than Twitter.

Stood there even a chance those dumbshits would elect him

With Vladimir's arm shoulder deep up his rectum?

He laughed to himself, wiped the thought from his brain.

"These people are dumb, but that's batshit insane."

"I have no respect in the House or the Senate.

I'll just talk so much shit I can't possibly win it!"

So he shouted and tweeted his fucked up priorities.

He lashed out at Mexicans, Muslims, minorities.

"I'll destroy your economy and poison your water.

But first," grinned the Trump, "I'll whack off to my daughter."

He sat back, having spewed the vilest words ever spoken.

"They're finding out now their democracy's broken."

But in America's trailers, siblings paused in their humpin'.

"I think that was in the Bible or sump'n."

He hadn't deterred them with outrageous behavior.

"Ain't no mistakin'. This feller's our Savior."

As the ballots were counted, it grew surer and surer,

The United States would soon have it's first Führer.

And what happened then? Well, on Twitter they say

That the Trump changed his pants three times on that day.

"How the fuck did this happen?" His teary eyes glistening.

"What's wrong with these people? Were they not even listening?"

He thought of the pressure, Commander-in-Chiefing,

Trying to make heads or tails of intelligence briefings.

"Four years of this shit!" The Trump fell to the floor.

"How am I supposed to rape kids when I'm seventy-four?"

In the four years that followed, to Hell we were sent.

And even the Klan missed their black president.


Merry Christmas!

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