Four "Marginalized" Groups Who Need To Stop Filling Up My Facebook Feed With Their Bullshit

The title pretty much says it all. I spend a lot of time on Facebook. It's my primary means of engaging with my fans, keeping up with the news I'm interested in keeping up with, and killing brief amounts of what would otherwise be dead(er) time. There's a lot of bullshit on my feed that I skip over, but these are some of the worst repeat offenders.

You'll notice that I'm going to skip over the religious, the bigots, and the political. These people can post as much of their bullshit as they like, as I'm just going to unfollow or unfriend them anyway, depending on the intensity of their idiocy and assholery.

There are a lot of genuinely marginalized groups out there, and I only have so many fucks to give. I save my sympathy ration those who deserve it, as opposed to...

1. Nerds

The war is over, guys. We won. Gone are the days when we had to watch who we discussed our D&D hobby with. These days, if anyone ever so much as scoffs at you about D&D, they're probably just trying to outnerd you with their "superior", yet criminally less popular RPG system. 

So why am I seeing shit like this...

“The path of mostly conventionally attractive white women. I’m a rebel.”

“The path of mostly conventionally attractive white women. I’m a rebel.”

Where are the statistics for "Most guys crush over Kim Kardashian"? I've been in Korea for the past fourteen years, so I'm only peripherally aware of what a Kardashian is, but in every instance I've seen the word, it's been the punchline of a tired joke. I've literally never heard of someone having a genuine crush on a Kardashian.

And why all the hate on Megan Fox? How is she different than any of the ladies in this picture? She's smoking hot and played in Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Is that not nerd enough for you?

It's one thing to brag about your "unique" tendency to jerk off to Sarah Michelle Gellar, but some nerds have decided to go on the attack.

“Not only am I unoriginal. I’m also kind of an asshole!”

“Not only am I unoriginal. I’m also kind of an asshole!”

Some sad little freak's soul is still trapped in the locker that the middle school bully pushed him into twenty years ago. The bully likely sorted out his issues and went on to become a productive member of society. The person who made this meme, however, is lashing out at an enemy who no longer exists, except in him, who has now become that which he despised... the guy who judges people for the things they enjoy.

2. Introverts

Sometime in the past year, everyone suddenly decided that they were "introverts" and, ironically, that they wanted to express that by calling as much attention to themselves as possible.

"As demonstrated by this extremely shitty someecard."

"As demonstrated by this extremely shitty someecard."

As I speculated in my post about crappy writers' memes, I suspect that these people mistakenly believe that making low-effort memes about their pretend social disorder makes them seem more interesting than they actually are.

It would seem like an easy enough condition to cope with. When I want some time to myself, I don't usually have too much trouble getting it. I close the door and put the phone on mute. Problem solved.

“I will continue spouting bullshit until everyone stops paying attention to me!”

“I will continue spouting bullshit until everyone stops paying attention to me!”

Let's break that one down...

The word introvert has negative connotations

Does it? I've never heard of it having a negative connotation. From what I've seen on Facebook in the past year, it's the hippest thing to be.

that need to be destroyed.

That seems unnecessarily severe for the subject at hand, but okay.

Introverts are simply misunderstood

I'd probably go with "Introverts are seldom given a second thought".

because the majority of the population consists of extroverts.

Or maybe... "because the majority of the population have too much going on in their lives to expend any amount of concern about why you don't want to come out for tacos and tequila after work."

I'm not saying introverts don't exist. I'm just saying that you probably don't hear very much from genuine ones... because they're fucking introverts.

I have good news for any of you who made or shared either of the graphics shown above. You should have no trouble at all enjoying all of the alone time you need... because you're boring as shit.

3. Artists

No one ever becomes a successful plumber because they're passionate about cleaning shit clogs out of people's pipes. They make good money because there's a demand for the service they provide, and proportionally fewer people wanting to to do it than, say, comedy writing.

Art is kind of the polar opposite of that. It's a skill born of passion. There's less money to be made in it than plumbing because of the inverse proportion of demand vs. number of people who would like to make a living by meeting that demand.

And so I tend to see a lot of this...

Actually, if you're creating shit and nobody's buying it, you are, in fact, working for free.

Actually, if you're creating shit and nobody's buying it, you are, in fact, working for free.

I get it. It can be frustrating. There are a gazillion people out there trying to make a living at the same thing you're trying to make a living at, and there are opportunistic scumbags out there who will try to take advantage of that. That's the nature of the gig.

That doesn't make us a marginalized group. Few professions command the respect that a successful artist does. Edgar Mitchell died two days ago. He was one of a dozen human beings to have walked on the goddamn moon, and he didn't get nearly as big a Facebook sendoff as David Bowie. 

The respect and the money are out there for the taking, but there's only so much to go around. If you want to make a living at the thing you love to do, you're probably going to have to do it longer and harder than you love to, and you may to have to do things you don't necessarily love to do (sometimes that might even mean strategically giving your art away for free) to get as many people as possible to be aware of your shit. You're going to have to study the industry, filter out the bullshit, and make smart decisions.

In the meantime, consider sharing more of your art rather than complaining about the money you're not making.

4. Sad Sacks

I saved this one for last because, while I've been (and still am, to different degrees) every person on this list, this is the one which has taken the most time and effort to overcome.

All your life, you're told to be yourself, and that if people can't accept you for who you are, then it's their loss. But if who you are is a miserable asshole with a chip on your shoulder, then people's unwillingness to accept you actually works out to a gain for them.

A person has over seven billion options of people they can choose to spend their time with. And while demographics and other factors may increase your odds of being more preferable to hang out with than a 97-year-old North Korean woman, the target of your affection has more options closer to home than he or she has the means or inclination to sort through, and that's even excluding the ones who aren't constantly moping about how unfair it is that girls go for "jerks" over "nice guys" like you.

“I don’t think I like where you’re going with this.”

“I don’t think I like where you’re going with this.”

I know it doesn't sound right to compare this to the products people are trying to sell in Entry 3, but on a fundamental level, the same principles apply. You are a product that you have to sell to other people. You can bet your fat ass that the "jerk" who's boning the big-tittied redhead in your history class that you've been whacking it to is a "nice guy" to her. What's more, he does two hundred push-ups a day, or he plays the guitar, or he writes hilarious comedy/fantasy stories. Whatever it is, he has something more to offer than what you're putting on the table.

“Has this bitch even seen the stats on my World of Warcraft character?”

“Has this bitch even seen the stats on my World of Warcraft character?”

And by getting bent out of shape about it, you're only making it weird(er). When you're writing a Facebook post about being "friendzoned", count yourself lucky if your "friend" isn't posting something about the creepy obsessive asshole who she wishes was out of her life for good.


Want to creepily obsess over me? Not a problem! That's what I have a fan page for.

Don't want to creepily obsess over me? Maybe that's because you haven't yet read my books.