Last year I wrote a post about the two groups known as the Sad Puppies and Rabid Puppies, their crybaby frustrations at not winning any Hugo Awards, their attempts to sabotage said awards, and the dicks they could eat.
The Puppies claimed to be striving for a balance in an award they felt was too heavily dominated by works for and by "SJWs", rather than more traditional Science-Fiction works about white men flying around space and punching differently colored aliens in their genitals... or whatever.
To absolutely no one's surprise, the Puppies' stated desires to bring "integrity" to the "compromised" award have been revealed to be utter horseshit. The stunt they pulled this year sent a clear message.
If you don't give us the awards we want, we'll make them worthless.
Knowing that the previous years' tactics won't win them any Hugos, and that changes to the nomination rules are coming into effect in 2017, the Puppies decided to cast all pretense aside and show themselves as the diaper-soiling shitheads everyone already knew they were.
Enter Chuck Tingle.
Dr. Chuck Tingle is the author of such "tinglers" as Unicorn Butt Cops: Beach Patrol, My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass, and Hunter Dentist Pounded In The But By Cecil The Handsome Unicorn.
In addition to being a groundbreaking erotica author and Tae Kwon Do grandmaster, he has proven himself to be someone not to fuck with. The Puppies found this last part out the HARD way when they nominated his book, Space Raptor Butt Invasion, for a Hugo Award... as a joke.
What's a buckaroo to do?
Do you thank the shit stains who catapulted you into the spotlight? Do you decline the nomination in the hopes of disassociating your name with theirs? Can you have your cake and eat it too?
If you're Chuck Tingle, you have that cake, you eat it too, and then you pound it in the butt.
Dr. Tingle wasted no time adding "Hugo Award nominee" to his biography and some of his covers, writing and publishing Slammed In The Butt By My Hugo Award Nomination, and going after the Puppies in his own HARD way.
It's known that many Puppies supporters are the same frustrated virgins who identify themselves as part of the Gamergate movement. Dr. Tingle, in a move that both preserves his air of mystery and pounds a middle finger into the butt of every Puppy, asked Zoë Quinn, the primary target of #frustratedvirgingate's death and rape threats, to stand in for him at the award ceremony.
But Dr. Tingle didn't stop there. He then set his sights on a more specific butt to pound. He went after the Rabid Puppies' Grand Skidmark himself, Theodore Beale, who pretentiously calls himself Vox Day.
It seems Mr. Beale underestimated Dr. Chuck Tingle, thinking that a PhD in Holistic Massage from DeVry University can be earned through handsomeness alone.
He would soon learn that when you make Chuck Tingle the butt of a joke, he will not only make you the butt of his joke in return. He will pound that butt HARD.
Dr. Tingle eased himself in with some assorted memes and posts targeting Voxman, but the real pounding came when he discovered that the Puppies had neglected to register the URL, www.therabidpuppies.com.
Click on the link to get a tingle.