So it's come to this. In November, the people of this country will have to choose whether their next leader will be Donald fucking Trump or Hillary fucking Clinton.
I'll take for granted that, for those of you reading this, voting for Trump simply isn't an option. Your literacy is evidence enough of that. So the real question boils down to whether to vote for Hillary, vote for a third party option, or to stay home and play Pokémon Go.
As those latter two options amount to the same result with regard to the upcoming election, I'll narrow my thoughts down to reasons to vote for Hillary and reasons not to.
Mind you, I'm not trying to sway you in either direction. I haven't even made up my own mind. But I've committed to writing a blog every weekend, and this is what's on my mind right now. I'm going to spill my thoughts. If you're of the opinion that I should stop talking about politics and get back to writing dick jokes, I welcome you to go read something else. My promotion still has a few more days to go, so there's plenty of dick joke reading material there.
Let's start with the obvious...
Reasons to vote for Hillary.
1. She's not Trump.
That's pretty much the end of my list. It's a short list, but this single entry does a pretty good job of holding its ground against the combined forces of every entry I'll be writing on my opposing list.
Trump is a despicable buffoon who, if elected president, would undoubtedly be a four-year disaster and a national embarrassment which will live on for the rest of this country's history.
There is no doubt in my mind that Hillary Clinton would make a better president than Donald Trump. A taco-fueled pile of shit would make a better president than Donald Trump. Or at least as good a one.
So how can this possibly not be the easiest decision I've ever made? Looks like it's about time for that other list.
Reasons not to vote for Hillary.
1. The rigged primary.
Yeah, this is the big one. I know politicians have to say and do things which compromise their integrity from time to time, and I'm realistic enough to be able to overlook quite a bit. Scrupulous people just don't tend to make it to make it to the top.
Except one almost did. And the DNC squashed him like a bug.
If Hillary had won a fair primary, I wouldn't have any qualms at all voting for her over Trump, even if I don't particularly care for her.
But she didn't win a fair primary. She won a rigged one. And then she named Debbie Wasserman Schultz honorary chair of her campaign on the same goddamn day she got caught rigging the primary for her. Sure, it's just a title with no actual responsibilities, but it sure felt like a "Thanks for cheating for me!" from my point of view.
Couldn't she have at least pretended to be a little disappointed in the complete sham everyone could clearly see the whole DNC primary was from the very beginning? What does immediately rewarding blatant fraud say to those of us who give a shit about democracy?
Hell, I might have even been able to grit my teeth, throw integrity to the wind, and overlook a fraudulent primary if it was for the greater good of beating Trump. But every goddamn poll showed Bernie's chances of beating Trump higher than Hillary's.
If the Dems lose in November, they'll have only themselves to blame. How will I feel knowing I voted for the party that put Donald Trump in the White House?
3. The current tactics of Hillary supporters.
Everywhere I look, I see people who are upset about the DNC primary being called crybabies and Bernie Bros. Instead of recognizing us as people who still give a shit about integrity and democracy, they'll dismiss us as Trump plants. They'll say Hillary won fair and square. (Are you fucking kidding me?) And they'll bring it all back to fear of a Trump presidency.
What the fuck ever happened to promises of hope and progress? Both parties are now employing tactics of bullying, name-calling, and fear-mongering.
Fuck that. You want my vote? At least have the decency to give me some convincing lies.
4. Hillary doesn't need my vote anyway.
The Democrats made it abundantly clear during the primary that they neither needed nor wanted Democratic votes. If they can rig that election, surely they can rig this one.
I don't want to see Donald Trump in the White House any more than anyone who wears deodorant. I live in the south, surrounded by these mouth-breathing shitheads. My own family is rife with racist white trash. Every time I hear one of them mention "the blacks", I'm tempted to run to the nearest polling station and vote for Hillary purely out of spite.
There's a lot at stake here, and I can't fault anyone for voting the lesser of two evils.
But I've got kids, and a future to think about which will hopefully last beyond the next four years. Maybe four years of President Trump is just the kick in the ass the Democratic Party needs to run an actual progressive candidate, and to come up with a better message to their would-be supporters than "Go fuck yourselves."