A lot of people these days are calling for Donald Trump's impeachment. It's a natural response, considering how catastrophically unfit he is for the job. But I'm taking a step back to be careful what I wish for, after all...
1. He Hates It.
I'm not a particularly nice person. I can admit that. Back in the summer of 2015, when the Supreme Court ruled against states banning gay marriages, I was happy to see homosexuals granted basic human rights, but I was far happier to watch white trash suffer.
I won't say that I prefer our president's semi-literate crybaby Twitter meltdowns to the integrity and progress a Bernie Sanders presidency would have entailed, but at least they serve to give us a little bit of comfort in these dark times.
2. His Supporters Are Having Regrets.
As much as I hate to see innocent children suffer for the same kinds of terrible decisions their parents made which led to them growing up in that rusted trailer in the first place, I feel that in the long term they need to truly hit rock bottom in order to not make those same mistakes in the future, dragging the rest of the country down with them.
3. The Dam Is Holding.
As vigorously as he tries to wipe his wrinkled orange ass with our Constitution, the triple-ply system of checks and balances has not yet completely torn.
In the past couple of weeks, we've witnessed the most sacred document of our nation be tested, and it's stood up to the test. Sure it's been smeared with the likes of Steve Bannon, Betsy DeVos, and Alabama Senator/Illinois Nazi Jeff Sessions.
But though he's tried hard to poke his finger through, our judicial branch has refused to tear. Trump's ban on Muslims in countries he just happens to not do business with was met with a nationwide restraining order by a federal judge. When the ruling was challenged, a panel of appeals court judges likewise told him and his ban to go fuck themselves.
This not only serves to reassure Americans that their Constitution lives up to the test when doing what it was designed to do, but also has also inspired more of what I covered up in the first entry.
4. The Shit Smear In Our Future History Books Is Already There.
What's the point of impeachment now? The damage is already done. Up until November, we could pretend that we weren't collectively as stupid and hateful as the rest of the world knew full well we were. In time, we'll be a better people for it. We're forcing ourselves to look in the mirror, forcing future generations to see the face of what America once was.
Sometimes you just have to hold your arm in the fire for four years before you learn not to stick it in there again.
5. President Pence Would Be Even More Dangerous.
Consider what happens if Trump gets thrown out or has a stroke during a Twitter meltdown. Sure, it's fun in the short term, but then we have Mike Pence as president. Maybe he's not quite as much of a national embarrassment, but he's at least as vile, and objectively smarter, politically savvier, and much more low-key than what we've got now. That means he has a better shot at getting the shit he wants to do done.
To put it in game terms, Pence is a lawful evil rogue with a masterwork set of thieves' tools waiting waiting for his chance to pick the lock, but Trump is an chaotic evil image-obsessed barbarian who refuses to let go of his argument to the DM that he's actually a sorcerer and that his Charm Person spell should apply to doors.
6. He's Making America Great Again.
Ironically, I've felt more patriotic in the last week than I've ever felt in my life.
We have the most cartoonishly evil villain since Adolf Fucking Hitler as our head of state, and We the People are rising up from our couches, brushing the potato chip crumbs from the fronts of our T-shirts, licking the sour cream off our fingers, and coming together to hobble this motherfucker and his minions.
I've seen our Freedom of Speech being invoked to great effect across the country. And I've also seen how much louder that speech grows when cowards inadvertently give us rallying cries and loudspeakers while trying to muzzle us.
People are taking to the streets. Representatives are being told to do their fucking jobs. Saturday Night Live is worth watching for the first time in decades.
Donald Trump, by way of being the most prodigiously terrible piece of shit to ever hold the office, has brought the good people of this country together, and inspired many of the formerly apathetic to start giving a shit.
We'll get through this together. And when we do, I believe we'll look back on this time fondly. We resisted. We persisted. We came out better for it.
Like a little comedy/fantasy with your resistance? All profits of my latest short story, Potty Mouth, are donated to the ACLU.