In the world of would-be writers, only one thing separates the PCs (Player Characters) from the NPCs (Non-Player Characters). That is, of course, writing a goddamn book.
Writing a novel-length work of fiction to completion is no easy task. But once you've done it, no matter how shitty it is, you stand head and shoulders above everyone who's ever said, "I'd like to write a book one day." or "I've got a great idea for a book. Some day when I've got the time..."
You've put your ass in front of the computer and spent countless hours, during which you would probably have preferred to be doing something else (anything else), tapping away at the keyboard and chipping away at your own self-confidence.
But you struggled through until you finally typed out the words, "The End."
And even if it's the saddest excuse for a piece of literature ever to have been shat out on a keyboard, it's a finished product.
Congratulations. You've achieved something that most of those NPCs will only ever aspire to. You're now a Level 1 Self-Published writer.
For this achievement, you are now bestowed with the gifts that come with the title.
These include, but are not limited to, maximum Hit Points for first level and the power to set your own Ability Scores to whatever you want them to be. You don't even have to roll for them!
STRENGTH: This can be thought of as the genre you write in. How much of a demand for it is there? How competitive is it?
DEXTERITY: This is your skill with words, turning a phrase and all that.
CONSTITUTION: This is the pacing and plotting of your story, what inspires readers to keep turning the page.
INTELLIGENCE: This is the thought that you've put into the details of your book. Fact checking, internal continuity, research on the setting if needed.
WISDOM: This is the patience involved in waiting until your book is as good as it can possibly be before you hit the Publish button.
CHARISMA: Book cover, blurb, social media presence. Whatever is going to lure people into giving your book a chance.
I just pulled those definitions out of my ass in about five minutes. The fact is, it doesn't matter how you define any of those Ability Scores. All that matters is that you understand that they're largely in your control.
You might have to spend some of that starting gold on a cover artist or an editor. Or, if you have the requisite skills, you might be able to pay with services instead.
There's a big world of goblins and dragons and orcs and shit out there. If you want their gold, we'll need to earn some Experience Points.
Join me next time as we take this shit to Level 2.
Speaking of dirty jokes and outdated fantasy references, take a look at the rest of my books...