Because fuck you I’m the Dungeon Master

Because fuck you I’m the Dungeon Master

Carpe DM

Carpe DM

Charisma is my dump stat.

Charisma is my dump stat.

Don’t start no shit, won’t be no crit.

Don’t start no shit, won’t be no crit.

I put the D in Dungeon Master. I needed the XP.

I put the D in Dungeon Master. I needed the XP.

Lawful in the streets, Chaotic in the sheets.

Lawful in the streets, Chaotic in the sheets.

I believe you’ll find that rule clearly spelled out on page fuck you I’m the Dungeon Master.

I believe you’ll find that rule clearly spelled out on page fuck you I’m the Dungeon Master.

The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

What doesn’t kill me gives me XP.

What doesn’t kill me gives me XP.

World’s Okayest Dungeon Master

World’s Okayest Dungeon Master

Because I’m the DM. That’s Why.

Because I’m the DM. That’s Why.

Chaotic Neutral because fuck you

Chaotic Neutral because fuck you

Crit Happens

Crit Happens

Dungeon master literally God

Dungeon master literally God

Intelligence is my dump stat.

Intelligence is my dump stat.

My dice get more ones than your mom’s thong during a good shift.

My dice get more ones than your mom’s thong during a good shift.

Rocks fall. Everyone dies.

Rocks fall. Everyone dies.

There are 20 sides to every story.

There are 20 sides to every story.

When the DM smiles, it’s already too late.

When the DM smiles, it’s already too late.

You can certainly try…

You can certainly try…

Before you do that, roll me an Intelligence check to see if your character is as stupid as you are.

Before you do that, roll me an Intelligence check to see if your character is as stupid as you are.

Chaotic Stupid is not an alignment.

Chaotic Stupid is not an alignment.

Definitely not a mimic

Definitely not a mimic

Dungeon Master

Dungeon Master

It’s all fun and games until someone fails a saving throw.

It’s all fun and games until someone fails a saving throw.

No, really. What do you do?

No, really. What do you do?

Roll for initiative.

Roll for initiative.

This is how I roll.

This is how I roll.

When the DM smiles, it’s because your mom is under the table.

When the DM smiles, it’s because your mom is under the table.

Beware the smiling Dungeon Master.

Beware the smiling Dungeon Master.

Charisma is my dump stat. So fuck off.

Charisma is my dump stat. So fuck off.

Don’t hate the player. Hate the DM.

Don’t hate the player. Hate the DM.

Dungeon Masturbator

Dungeon Masturbator

Jesus Saves! Everyone else takes 4d6 points of damage.

Jesus Saves! Everyone else takes 4d6 points of damage.

NPC Lives Matter

NPC Lives Matter

Rolling dice builds character.

Rolling dice builds character.

Tread lightly. You look like just enough XP to level up.

Tread lightly. You look like just enough XP to level up.

Wisdom is my dump stat.

Wisdom is my dump stat.