Gate: How to Add Bureaucracy to D&D
Usable By: Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard
Spell Level: 9
School: Conjuration
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 minute
Components: V, S, M (A diamond worth at least 5,000 gp)
You conjure a portal linking an unoccupied space you can see within range to a precise location on a different plane of existence. The portal is a circular opening, which you can make 5 to 20 feet in diameter. You can orient the portal in any direction you choose. The portal lasts for the duration.
The portal has a front and a back on each plane where it appears. Travel through the portal is possible only by moving through its front. Anything that does so is instantly transported to the other plane, appearing in the unoccupied space nearest to the portal.
Deities and other planar rulers can prevent portals created by this spell from opening in their presence or anywhere within their domains.
When you cast this spell, you can speak the name of a specific creature (a pseudonym, title, or nickname doesn’t work). If that creature is on a plane other than the one you are on, the portal opens in the named creature’s immediate vicinity and draws the creature through it to the nearest unoccupied space on your side of the portal. You gain no special power over the creature, and it is free to act as the GM deems appropriate. It might leave, attack you, or help you.
Review by Sam West, Twitter: @CrierKobold
The DMV, TSA, and IRS: three beloved American institutions, all dedicated to carefully planning and counting each and every moment in life a person goes through. If you adore the exhilarating nuisance of combing through dense legalese and parsing every detail of foregin trade negotiations and politics, do I have the spell for you!
Gate hypothetically offers a means of transit to any plane you’d like by way of a sizeable portal, but under one strict condition: you are on good terms with the plane’s ruler. If you're not, they simply can veto your Gate, costing you a 9th level spell slot to realize the demon lords of the Abyss don’t really love the idea of high level adventurers teleporting in willy nilly. If you're at war with the Nine Hells or for some reason you’ve pissed off the billions of drones on Mechanus, whoever is running the show is likely who you want to be paying a visit. Before you can teleport in the thousand pounds of C4, you have to politely ask “Dear ruler of this cosmic space, may I please come in?” The rest of plane hopping magic has no such condition, meaning the only spell barred from use is the highest level version.
Beyond the sheer silliness of Gate requiring permission for its basic function, what the spell actually does is barely better than Plane Shift in nearly all cases. Sure, with the appropriate paperwork you could yoink any old extraplanar schmuck to the material; alternatively, you could just Plane Shift somewhere nearby and grab them yourself. If you’ve been specifically tasked with finding a hard to find extra planar being, you best hope they haven’t worked out a deal with literally any ruler of any plane, or otherwise created their own demiplane to hide on (which they are technically the ruler of). If they have, which seems likely if they’re an extraplanar creature whose whole thing is how hard to find they are, this spell literally doesn’t do the one thing you’d take it for. It can’t even yoink the proverbial Edward Snowden of the plane of fire to you, as they’ve found asylum on Mt. Celestia.
What’s even worse is it is contingent on your DM to figure all this shit out, all so a spell comparable to Plane Shift is USEABLE. Not so that the spell is better or worse, simply so the spell can be cast. If there aren't higher level courts managing all the extra planar bullshit, your DM has to create motivation and reasoning behind why various planar rulers would or wouldn’t deal with Gate casters. Do these rulers just know every time a Gate is attempting to be opened, and make the call case by case? Is there literally any compelling reason to allow Gate to function at all from their perspective?
The spell still gets worse because the Gate requires concentration! For a 9th level spell that can be vetoed by the plane’s current president, should you get permission to open the gate, if you step through, best not be stepping into danger or risk the Gate immediately closing behind you from a bad concentration save! At least the Gate is two way, but for a single minute how much can you actually accomplish, save moving a pallet of rare spices or other shipping materials? I guess you best be ready to use it to grow your trade industry, which we all know leads to RIVETTING gameplay!
If you want the extraplanar exploration or mischief, just take Plane Shift. Don’t waste you and your DMs time trying to figure all this out. It's not worth it.
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